Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
