my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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