At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
