Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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