Me. At least after what I've been through.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
time to smoke my breakfast
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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