I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
