i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Congratulations! We have a period
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