You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
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His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So here I am, sexting at work.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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