Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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