Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
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I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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