If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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