so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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