I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
