He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize