I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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