I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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