he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
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I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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