I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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