According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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