So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
