Say something about gay babies.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
