Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
