dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
