so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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