Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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