True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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