nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
