Your face is a jimmy john
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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