my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you win again, gameday.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I touched a dick in church today
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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