Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
...so i touched it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
