I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
