But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
