my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
