ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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