Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
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I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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