she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
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Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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