Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
