And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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