I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize