I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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