I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
40s are totally the cure
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
