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I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
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You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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