you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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