We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
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it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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