i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
