Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This baby is an asshole
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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