I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize