thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
