White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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