I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
